Red Velvet Cupcakes

My husband gave me a night off last night. “Go do something for yourself,” he said and shooed me out the door. I got in the car and for a few minutes I felt free and played the radio really loud. But then I wondered: What do I do with myself? What do I even like to do?

Has it been so long since I had time to myself that I’ve forgotten what makes me happy? I mean, don’t get wrong, I love being with my little girl and husband and this makes me extraordinarily happy. But there was a time before these two, a lot of time, when I was deliriously happy without either. I had a packed schedule every night. What did I do with myself? And where is that woman now?

Driving down Sepulveda Blvd. on a Tuesday night, I pledged to dig deep and drive until I could think of things that make me happy and things I enjoy doing. And this is what came to me:

• A bargain
• Shopping for a bargain
• Design Magazines with photos of colorful kitchens
• Pretty plates
• Anthropologie
• Craft stores
• Craft fairs
• My sewing machine
• Learning how to use my sewing machine
• My baby girl
• Looking at baby clothes for my baby girl
• Shopping for overpriced baby toys from Europe
• Strolling through quirky gift shops
• Farmers markets
• Watching foreign language films
• Planning a trip
• Taking a trip
• Men with accents
• My husband
• Bookstores
• Strolling through bookstores with an overpriced coffee, collecting a pile of books, finding a corner and sitting down to read my pile
• Strong women with loud voices
• Coffee shops with friends
• Loyal and loving friends
• My sisters
• Family dinners
• Cooks Illustrated
• Making dinner from a recipe
• Baking red velvet cupcakes
• Wrapping Christmas gifts
• Making Christmas tags
• Decorating for Christmas
• Christmas morning at my parents house
• Rearranging the living room furniture
• Board games
• A good book
• A good movie with popcorn and Red Vines
• Comedy shows
• Improv
• Laughing
• A musical
• Dancing to eighties music
• Museums with things you can touch
• Disneyland
• A good story
• Storytelling
• Writing
• Having written
• Posting a new blog

I’m not sure why this list was so difficult to make. I can take care of my baby, my husband and my household, so why have I lapsed on nurturing my own creativity. Why is it so hard to remember what I like and like to do?