The Cocktail Waitress

Some times I just wish I could go back to being a cocktail waitress. Life was so much easier as a cocktail waitress. Every night was a party and my biggest concerns were where to get brunch later, how many of the boys I gave my number to tonight would call me tomorrow, and was Molly Jean going to cover my shift next Saturday.

When I was a cocktail waitress, I was part of the hip crowd, I knew what music was 'out' and which hairstyles were 'in'. I wore trendy clothes, slept until noon, went to the gym every day and had glamorous friends that thought I was so funny.

When I was a cocktail waitress, I always had cash in my pocket. If I wanted a new pair of shoes, I worked hard that night and bought the shoes the next morning. I didn't need a fancy apartment or a fancy car or a new coffee machine because I was never at home. I went out every night with friends or a date.

When I was a cocktail waitress, I had all the time off I needed. I could take a few weeks and go to Europe. I travelled the world. When I ran out of money in Greece, I could pick up a tray and wait tables on the Agean.

When I was a cocktail waitress, I wasn't lonely. I got 'Club Courtesy' to all the hottest spots in town, bartenders knew my name and gave me free Diet Pepsi, I hung out behind the bar with the DJ and knew the name of all the bouncers. People in the industry knew who I was.

When I was a cocktail waitress, I was good at my job. I was always smiling, customers adored me, and my boss thought I was perfect. I knew people's drinks, I was fast, I made everyone in my section feel special. I made more tips than anyone else at the bar. I trained new staff and people enjoyed working with me.

When I was a cocktail waitress, I never had to deal with my character defects. No matter how screwed up my life was, someone else's life was always worse. Problems were discussed over the dishwasher and few stale cigarettes in the back kitchen. My co-workers were like a family and they always knew exactly what Led Zeppelin mix would make me drop my tray, dance on the table and instantly change my mood.

When I was a cocktail waitress, I went to school in the morning and attended lectures and book readings in the middle of the afternoon. I had time to sit in coffee shops reading Nietzsche and Plato. I believed that some day my work was going to change the world. Then I would smooth on my fishnets, step into a push-up bra, slide into a sexy cocktail dress, grab my tray and apron and join my friends at the club.

When I was a cocktail waitress, I didn't know how great I had it. I longed to be important. I dreamt about meetings, conference calls, and secretarys that got me coffee. Some day I would hand out business cards, write memos, wear a business suit, and have a higher purpose.

Life was just so much simpler as a cocktail waitress.